Eph 4:30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God
Grief is defined as deep sorrow, sadness, or intense emotional distress.
Grief seems so human. So what does it mean when Paul writes this?
How can God’s Holy Spirit possibly grieve? And what could a mere human do to make the Spirit grieve?
I, as a pastor, know the difference of having my feelings hurt, and having the Holy Spirit inside of me grieve. Someone speaks badly about me, my feelings are hurt. Even Christian brothers hurt my feelings. Actually only Christian brothers can hurt my feelings because I really don’t care what worldly people say or think about me. But when one of my Million Friends kids fall back into prostitution or drugs, or just leaves the faith, the Holy Spirit inside me is crushed. Far more painful than someone being just mean to me.
But again, how can a created being (us) possibly hurt the Creator of the Universe (the Holy Spirit of God)?
The short answer is love. When you love someone you make yourself vulnerable. The Holy Spirit of God loves us and it saddens him when we act outside of his will.
You may think a deep dive into the Holy Spirit is a bit of an overkill for studying the phrase “grieving the Holy Spirit.” Don’t we know enough about the Holy Spirit already?
If you’re anything like me, the Holy Spirit has been a mysterious being for much of my saved life. I am a Baptist-Costal. (Long story). Some faith traditions emphasize the work of the Holy Spirit better than others do. Historically, my tradition has probably erred on the side of underemphasizing the Holy Spirit. I spent most of my spiritual life picturing the Holy Spirit as an impersonal force. But that’s not the picture of Him that we get when we read the Bible.
Most of us have little trouble understanding that Jesus, God the Son, is personal. We read in the Gospels of Jesus interacting with people while on earth. We see Jesus weeping (John 11:35), expressing anger (Mark 3:5), showing compassion (Matt 9:36), and grieving (Matt 26:38).
The same is true for God the Father, who we see being troubled (Gen 6:6–7), acting jealously (Exod 34:14), and expressing disappointment (Deut 32:19–20), among other human emotions.
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are the same in substance.
As the Athanasian Creed, which first defined the biblical formulation of the Trinity in the early centuries of the church, says: “The faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; Neither confounding the persons nor dividing the substance. … Such as the Father is, such is the Son, and such is the Holy Spirit.”
Despite our frequent misunderstanding of the personhood of the Holy Spirit, God’s Word is clear. The Holy Spirit teaches us (John 14:26), intercedes on our behalf (Rom 8:26–27), loves us (Rom 15:30) and calls and leads us to specific tasks (Acts 13:2).
Those aren’t the actions of an impersonal force. Those are the actions of a caring, personal God who wants a relationship with us.
This doesn’t mean that God’s emotions are the same as ours. Saying that the Holy Spirit loves us and grieves for our sin doesn’t mean he grieves and loves in the same way we do.
The Holy Spirit is eternal and transcendent, just like all the members of the Godhead. He is different from us. But the Holy Spirit is a person, a truth that the Bible makes abundantly clear.
Let’s keep this truth about the Holy Spirit in mind as we study Ephesians 4:30. It’s critical to understand what is meant by “grieving the Holy Spirit.”
Of course, context is always the key that unlocks the great mysteries of any biblical text. If it’s not in context, it’s pretext. That’s true with the concept of grieving the Holy Spirit as well.
Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus is one of his most influential in the New Testament, as it describes many of the basic tenets of the Christian faith.
By the time we get to chapter 4, the Apostle Paul had already laid out how Jesus redeems us from sin (2:4–5).
Then Paul tells us how to walk in chapter 4: Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Eph 4:1–3)
In Ephesians 4:17–32, where Paul tells us not to “grieve the Holy Spirit,” he is describing a series of behaviors—what believers should do and what they shouldn’t do.
First, we should avoid an immoral lifestyle illustrated by confused thoughts, hardened hearts, closed minds, and impure and greedy thoughts (4:17–19).
Then we are to adopt a Christ-honoring lifestyle by taking off the old life we had before we were believers (v. 22) to put on “the new self” (v. 24). We do this by building people up with our speech rather than tearing them down.
That’s when Paul tells us not to grieve the Holy Spirit. In context, it’s clear that we can grieve (or make sad) the Holy Spirit when we speak in destructive ways. Understanding the new life of Christ Paul describes through Ephesians means living in a way that honors the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives.
Like I mentioned earlier, the Holy Spirit isn’t an impersonal force. He is just as much of a person as the other members of the Godhead. So he grieves. The Holy Spirit cares for us. When we don’t live up to the standards God has for us, it pains the Holy Spirit. He knows that it will bring consequences to us and to others.
Last but not least, don’t forget Isaiah 63:10
We grieve God’s Holy Spirit by rebellion against God.
The Bible says rebellion is the same as witchcraft.
There’s more than one place in the Bible where we’re told that the Holy Spirit grieves. In Isaiah 63, the prophet is reminding God’s people of his faithfulness. He describes God’s redemptive work to bring Israel—the children he had promised Abraham—out of Egypt and into the Promised Land.
Isaiah 63:10 says that despite God’s graciousness toward Israel, the people “rebelled and grieved the Holy Spirit.”